I am always angry and jealous :( 

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& I don't know why,

 it's just how I am feeling at that particular time when a particular event occurred.

Jealous about his past like why I am not part of it, 

& how things might change if we met earlier. 

However if we met earlier the relationship definitely would not work out, 

so it's a good thing that we met a bit later. 

I once lost all the hopes for relationship, 

thus memories of my "relationships" to me most of it were unwanted memories. 

But through those unwanted memories, I learnt. 

I learnt about what type of guys I should not go for, 

I learnt about different types of treatments that should be given,

just before meeting him I learnt to let go. 

& the horrible feelings of being unwanted by the person you like. 

I am glad how my past changes the way I think, and what I do. 

& Avoid same mistakes from happening again.

I hope I would not be able to feel that I am unwanted again :'( .

I really can't imagine what would happen if he wants to leave me one day. 

& when it comes to looking good, I think I look good in the past as compared to now. 

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Maybe it's just hairstyle and I am skinnier last time!!